The Vacuum Diaries...by dave.

Have you ever been in the situation where two elderly Swedish ladies are arguing about your ability to use a vacuum cleaner?..... No?....

Yesterday, I found myself in Ilsbo, a village in Northern Sweden close to Hudiksvall (the town i'm living in for the time being). Twas the first day of my summer job as a cleaner for a local cleaning company. It was the introduction day, and I was following Karina, the lady I will be taking over from whilst she is on holiday. She seemed to be in her fifties, and she was very sweet and kind. I sat in her car and she told me all about the history of area whilst driving to the house we would be cleaning.

The house was gigantic. Karina gave me the task of vacuuming, and was told that I should use the small white vacuum cleaner in the cupboard. I went to the cupboard and saw four vacuum cleaners. There were two small white ones. So I gambled and took the closest and lightest looking one. 

I started vacuuming, feeling quite smug given the simplicity of the task in relation to the pay per hour. I was soon to discover that vacuuming is not all what it seems to be.

The front door opened and the lady who owns the house had come home. Karina led me to the front door and introduced me. She seemed very nice, if a bit stressed. She appeared to be planning for a party. We went our separate ways and I continued to vacuum confidently. Not quite in a Freddie Mercury 'I want to break free' style, but pretty close. The lady came through the room I was vacuuming and glanced my way. She was clearly distressed and there was a tenseness between us for a brief moment. But it soon passed. I moved on to the next room and she returned. In a moment of madness she snatched the vacuum from my hands and proceeded to show me the correct way to vacuum her mat. I watched closely for the right technique and was even tempted to compliment her distribution. But I could still feel a tenseness in the air. All of a sudden she decided the small, white vacuum I was using was completely worthless and literally threw it into the cupboard it had once stood so peacefully. I felt for the little fella. She then brought out the big dog. A huge blue vacuum cleaner that seemed to have been bred in the depths of hoover hell. 

At this point I was feeling a bit of anger towards the lady, mainly for her mistreatment of the small, white vacuum. She took me threw the process of setting up the blue monster, which includes lifting the top section and filling its innards with water. Strange, i thought, but do-able. At this point Karina turned up with a complaint. She told the lady that I already had a lot on my plate, and that I was not experienced enough for the blue monster. The lady who owned the house exploded with disbelief. I didn't get a chance to interrupt and tell them that I was in fact capable of handling such a machine, but they had already locked horns. The lady who owned the house wanted to cancel the whole thing and couldn't believe a man of my age was incapable of using the blue monster. At this point I was desperate to tell the two of them that it was actually no problem, and that, to be honest, I couldn't really give a shit. 

I got my chance to speak and told the lady that it was OK, and I was happy to vacuum her mats with whichever vacuum cleaner she desired. Karina had stormed off by this point. I must have upset her by not acknowledging that she had defended me. I'd only been there fifteen minutes!

The rest of the day went smoothly, and although my self-esteem had took a slight knock, I was still happy to be making some money. 

I'll be back at the house in two weeks time, and once i've grappled with the blue monster, I plan to rescue the small, white vacuum from the awful life it must have in that god forsaken cupboard.